More Than a Post-It

I was in the middle of studying for Spanish. This is what I want to be doing right now. I need to study for this vocabulary quiz. But, I just can't concentrate. I'm in study hall... I'm not even at home. I'm away from all of my normal distractions. But, I felt like God wanted me to stop and to read his word. I've learned that when I hear these funny thoughts in my head that I need to listen to them. So, I've stopped. I put down my flashcards and opened biblegateway, which is silly because I have a Bible with me right now. But, I just did. And, I didn't know what to read. I hate when people say that they just opened there Bibles and read whatever was randomly in front of them... I just don't think it's the best way to do it. But, in this circumstance, I opened the webpage and blam: verse of the day. My mind is going in circles right now. I have all these mixed emotions about everything that is happening in my life. Most of all, I feel like I've been selfish. I want to talk to who I want to talk to because I think that it will help me. And, I want to say that it's not fair because it will help me. Really, I don't want to be selfish. I'm am so sick of thinking about me. It is discusting. And, I have this opportunity to be so happy for these other people. So happy. And, I am. But, deep down, I'm hurting. And, I feel like this is foolish because it brings the focus back to me hurting. All ridiculous. It has just been one of those things that I know is really not me, I'm not this type of person. So, anyways, I read the chapter that the verse was in: Ephesians 2. And, some things just hit home.



For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— 9not by works, so that no one can boast. 10For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.



I can't boast. I can't say that this is not fair and that God should be blessing me too because I've been searching so very hard. It is fair. God prepared me to do works to glorify him. And, thinking about myself isn't going to make anything better. If God prepared these works for me to do, which I feel like I'm doing, then He also has a time for me to be blessed as well. He prepared everything in advance. He prepared this life for me ahead of time. It isn't a last minute decision that He has made for me. It's been crafted by Him. And, so how could I think of myself? How could I think about the things I have done to make my life the way it is? I just can't because God has planned this little life of mine. I need to be happy for this.