really now...

This is my first real day here. I vacuumed my old house today. It felt empty and alone. It was cold (something that I won’t miss). I felt like I was cleaning someone else’s home. I guess that’s a good thing; a weird but good thing. Last night was hard for me. I’m getting sick and I was exhausted… which doesn’t help things. I probably shouldn’t think about the old house at all. Besides that, I just wanted to be with him. I know I said I am happy to be doing this on my own; to know that I can do this on my own. But, I still wanted to call him. I wanted to be held. I know that sounds so silly. Like I need to be held, right? Like he would even hold me?! It makes me mad that I even think things like that still. I think it would have made me feel better though- to be snuggling. Instead, I was in my cold bed with a headache in a room that isn’t mine. Soon my room will be ready and things will start seeming normal again. But today, things aren’t normal for me. I’m tired of this adventure; thinking that things will be easy. I’ve had a good attitude about moving even though everything inside of me is scared and screaming that I don’t want to do this. I know that it’s something that I need to go through. I just never pictured it being this way… with my parents… and all my things in boxes for weeks… and my brother not wanting to be in the same room as me… and a house that is half-way finished. It has been fun at times though, don’t get me wrong. I just pictured moving in with girls or getting married before I ever left that house. Hah! Really though, I’m not as unhappy as I’m leading you to believe. But, I don’t even want to walk in the kitchen barefoot. I don’t even know where I could find a spoon. Or a pair of socks. My feelings about the idea of something new keeps changing. But, like I’ve been told, it’s good for me. People do this- they move and survive. I’m pretty sure I will. But… just pretty sure. I might not. I might decide to break into my old house and take over my old room. I would probably get arrested! Fitting, I’m listening to a song that says “I can’t make it alone, I want to come home.” That was completely unplanned. I haven’t heard this band before, but it was an amazing present that my boss gave me! Just a part of the music he gave me, which is pretty awesome. It definitely was one of my favorite Christmas presents.
Well, hopefully my mama gets home soon so I can check my grades and my e-mail (something I haven’t been able to do for the last few days). She has the Ethernet cord that I need in the back of her car. Whatever that is… haha… I wish I knew more about computers… I can usually figure things out though… I just don’t the terms… like Ethernet. To me, it’s just that cord that I need. Hopefully the wireless will be running soon. My throat is killing me. Just wanted you to know. And now, I’m just complaining. Although there is a lot to complain about... I shouldn't. I've already done enough of that in this blog.

We're close to a donut shop. My brother gave this one to me... even though he didn't have to... it's one of the nicest things he has done in the last few days. This picture is pretty bad. But... this is the most set-up I've done in this room... donut.... cd player clock connected to my computer... nightstand with my notes on the side... the lamp that makes my room glow... I love that glow...