Agony.

It's the second night of not being able to fall asleep. I've tried it all. I brushed my teeth. I washed my face. I put on those fuzzy socks that make me feel better. I've read my Bible. I've prayed. I've journaled. I've listened to that worship song I like so much. I've squished my head into my pillow and I've bent myself in every possible position and still no sleep. And then that sweatshirt that usually brings me comfort started to feel like it was strangling me. That was the pivotal moment in which I knew I wasn't going to fall asleep any time soon... because I started to imagine scenarios and what-ifs. This is never a good sign for peaceful sleep. The what-ifs always lead me to those things that I could have done differently. But, really, would they have made a difference? Maybe. And then the questions bombard me and I become upset. How long will I have to wait? Will he ever realize what could be so good? Have I not listened to God? Will He give me more than momentary joy? Yes. Yes is always my answer. But how long will this trial last? When will that normal feeling come back? How can I experience so much of you one day and hardly anything the next? What should I have learned when this happened or that happened? When will I see your promises fulfilled? And the questions continue... sometimes repeating... but usually new ones that tick away at the precious time I have to rest. That precious time that I shouldn't be worried about such things.

(Picture from girlhula)