The End.

My mom thinks that I let people hurt me. She thinks a lot of things. I think it's a funny thing to say. Why would I let people hurt me? She says that I need to guard my heart. Maybe I just don't know how to do this completely. Sometimes I feel like it's my responsibility to pour my heart into everything and everyone... that it is a way of loving other people. Most of the time I'm not conscience I am doing this. I strangely think that by not revealing my heart I am being selfish. But, I know this isn't true. Instead, I'm protecting myself. Maybe the way I have been living is leading me to vulnerability, keeping me open to being hurt. I've risked what is precious to try to benefit other people. And when it doesn't (because I, alone, can't be what makes someone happier) I feel rejected, unworthy, and incapable. But really, I think I start off with good intentions. I don't necessarily have my own interests on the line. I think I'm just compassionate... which isn't a bad thing. But, maybe I need to care about people without letting my heart be too involved. I've given myself away- shown my heart too much and too many times, only to be broken later. And maybe, this is what it really means to have a broken heart. My heart hasn't just been broken by relationships, it has been broken by people. By friends and boyfriends and family and expectations. I've allowed this to happen without realizing it. So, I think I need to wait for that safety. I need to wait until I know my heart is safe with whoever sees it. With that said, I think this is temporarily the end of this blog. I may change my mind later. I tend to do that a lot. But for now, the end has come.

Also, I bought 3 new books today: A Woman and Her God, Healing for the Heart, and Captivating. I love new books!