*sigh*

In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps. Proverbs 16:9

I'm discouraged. I guess that happens sometimes. I finished this painting and no one really liked it. I'm sure that happens sometimes too. I did this one a little bit different than the rest... not so planned and sketched. I did look at a picture... but I didn't want it to be a paint-by-numbers deal. I don't like like the borders at all. I think I will paint over them. someday. But, for now, it's in my closet... because I don't even want to look at it. I'm afraid that I think that I have a talent for painting when really, I may not.

These are my thoughts on this painting. I feel like the top image describes this ideal that the world has. That sometimes we think (girls particularly) that we need to be a certain way... we need to look perfect, we need to focus on a goal, we shouldn't ever slip up, we need to meet the requirements. We try. And then there is the bottom image... where you can see that the girl has fallen and her dress doesn't lay perfectly... and she's running. And I think this is more realistic... and my life relates. I can't really say too much more about it. Well, I could... but I would rather you think about it yourself. I like the bottom image better. Maybe because I feel like it's brokenness that God uses to shape your character... not to sound depressing. It's a good thing.

The End.

My mom thinks that I let people hurt me. She thinks a lot of things. I think it's a funny thing to say. Why would I let people hurt me? She says that I need to guard my heart. Maybe I just don't know how to do this completely. Sometimes I feel like it's my responsibility to pour my heart into everything and everyone... that it is a way of loving other people. Most of the time I'm not conscience I am doing this. I strangely think that by not revealing my heart I am being selfish. But, I know this isn't true. Instead, I'm protecting myself. Maybe the way I have been living is leading me to vulnerability, keeping me open to being hurt. I've risked what is precious to try to benefit other people. And when it doesn't (because I, alone, can't be what makes someone happier) I feel rejected, unworthy, and incapable. But really, I think I start off with good intentions. I don't necessarily have my own interests on the line. I think I'm just compassionate... which isn't a bad thing. But, maybe I need to care about people without letting my heart be too involved. I've given myself away- shown my heart too much and too many times, only to be broken later. And maybe, this is what it really means to have a broken heart. My heart hasn't just been broken by relationships, it has been broken by people. By friends and boyfriends and family and expectations. I've allowed this to happen without realizing it. So, I think I need to wait for that safety. I need to wait until I know my heart is safe with whoever sees it. With that said, I think this is temporarily the end of this blog. I may change my mind later. I tend to do that a lot. But for now, the end has come.

Also, I bought 3 new books today: A Woman and Her God, Healing for the Heart, and Captivating. I love new books!

God is poetic.

Nothing is impossible with you. You will give me the desires of my heart. But, this heart is guarded because it is the wellspring of my life. And so I ask of the love I aspire? You say, Daughter: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires. So I wait. For you told me, wait for me, be strong, take heart, and wait for me. You have become my strength and my shield and I am helped. You have not given me a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love, and of self-discipline. But, I ask, what is this spirit? It helps me in weakness and intercedes with groans that can not be expressed. How great you are that your understanding has no limit! So, I will trust in you with all my heart, and lean not on my own understanding. I will acknowledge you in all of my ways. And you say to me, blessed are you who has believed that what I have said to you will be accomplished. And not one of your promises has failed to be fulfilled!

Luke 1:37
Psalm 37:4
Proverbs 4:23
Song of Solomon 8:4
Psalm 27:14
Psalm 28:7
2Timothy 1:7
Romans 8:26
Psalm 147: 4-6
Proverbs 3:5
Joshua 21:45

Pretty!

186: 8.4.07
Originally uploaded by girlhula

Aren't these flowers amazing? I think so :D Another photo from my favorite flickr friend Andrea...

Future

The problem isn't that I don't know what I want to do with my life. Well, that is a little bit of the problem. The dilemma lies in all the things that I want to do. I don't have any sort of direction about what I should do when I graduate. But, I have a peace about it because I'm positive that God has me right where He wants me. I hate to be one of these types of girls, but ultimately, I can't wait to get married and have kids. Don't freak out yet... I am absolutely not ready for that point in my life... but eventually... I hope that happens. This is not the only thing that I want though. I want to learn to paint better. Maybe I will start taking classes. I also want to decorate houses for people, it is something I like doing... even if being an interior designer isn't my career. But, I also like the idea of owning a cafe. I have no idea how to make coffee (haha), but I would sell cupcakes and bake blueberry muffins and pumpkin bread. I would cover the walls with inspiring artwork and play music that hits the spot. You know what else would be so awesome? I would totally love to choose the music that goes in TV shows. I know it's a weird thought... but how amazing would it be to have that job?! I like teaching too... which is probably my most realistic goal... although I'm not as passionate about it as other things. I want to travel too. Of course, everyone wants to travel. I would like to spend some time cruising through Italy, laying on the beach in Greece, feeding kids in Africa (I have more selfish reasons that you would think), maybe exploring Australia, and speaking my broken spanish somewhere in South America. Oh, the rain forest also! I've always wanted to see the rain forest! Well, anyways, I could spend all day dreaming of the possible things I want to do with my life. No direction, you see? But, I'm right where I should be. My future holds something amazing... I know this to be true. It's exciting and scary at the same time :D

Beautiful

I've been stuck on this word lately: beautiful. I know why... but it doesn't really matter. It's one of those "I think about you when I look or hear anything" type of things. Well, anyways, I was looking through pictures on deviantart.com (which is a little hit or miss) and I came across this picture. I like it. Maybe this is because my blog is titled, "More than a Post-It" and also because of my newly formed obsession with the word beautiful.
Almost a month ago, while I was driving, I was thinking about the phrase, "You are beautiful." It gets me. I was in one of the moods... the type where you don't want to be strong and instead feel sorry for yourself. (I try to limit those moods). But, I felt like I needed to be real and so I started to think about how no one would call me beautiful anymore, something I had taken for granted before. And so, I was sad and I began to pray... because I had caught myself thinking that I was allowed to feel sorry for myself. I asked to be fulfilled, to realize that God had a plan for me, to be satisfied... and I kept driving. I kept praying... talking out loud... complaining... but asking... one of those moments when you just want God to answer you. And then, I see it! Above the freeway, fastened to a bridge, was an enormous sign that said, "YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL." So, thank you for the sign... whomever you may be that decided to tie it to the bridge. God used it for me.