that thing called artsy.

I get these cravings. Oh they are so good; I get inspired to make things and to paint things and to decorate and to cut out paper and to glue it together and make it beautiful. It's a passion. A passion to make things pretty; to make them pretty with beads and color. I wish I was more useful, besides the fact that I can make things beautiful. I could go crazy with it, you know. I have all these insane ideas that I wish I could make into realities. Well, I know that I can make them into realities. It's just a matter of discipline and of time. Both of which I am working on. I work on things, that's for sure. I'm a mess. But, I sure can make myself into a beautiful mess. I mess that has all these ideals and visions of this amazing and artful future but doesn't quite know how to achieve it. That's okay though. It's part of the beauty I assume. Sometimes I wish I had it all planned out, but that would suck the fun out of figuring out what step to take next. Who knows where I will go and what I will do. But, I'm determined to make whatever it is that God has so called me to do glorious. So fabulously and excitingly glorious. I won't sit behind a desk or bend myself into a cookie cutter version of someone else. I'm bound to be creative. To design. To transform. To beautify. And that's just what I will do, whatever that may be. It's a sense of freedom. A sense of letting go. A sense of escape. It's fresh. It's new. It's what I strive for.

Simple happiness.

Daisies are my favorite. Aren't they pretty? They're just so happy. And photoshopped (just because it was dark in my room)... although the real ones are just as wonderful.

And so is the boy who gave them to me.

Someday Thoughts

As I went to open this page for blogger, I saw a title on msn called, "Most Costly Divorce Mistakes." It makes me wonder- it just does. It makes me wonder because half of the American population could read that article and relate. And how sad! I wish that weren't true. But, really, would this world be a better place if those people were married? Would it be that people had more character or integrity or discipline? Would they learn to be in love? Or would it be different? Would it be that more people were abused and more children lived in a place they shouldn't- in a place that was consumed with fights and yelling and disagreements? I'm just not sure. I'm a lucky one I would say. I've been lucky. I only say this because I know that my parents love each other and I know that they took marriage as a serious commitment. That's not to say that not everyone does. Maybe they were just lucky. But, I think it was more than luck. I think it was more than an un-made mistake. But of course I want to see it this way. They're my parents. They're mine and they're my example of love. They have been and will be... even if I choose to do things a little bit different. They did something right along the way. It's a tough conflict that I fight in my head though. The conflict that my ultimate recipe for a successful marriage would be to love God- to live like you love God. I'm not sure if my parents would say the same thing. But, I've never seen them have a hard time with being married to each other. Maybe it's just because they have had a lot of practice. I can only remember little fights... well fights that seem little to me in perspective because I've had far more issues in a past relationship than I've ever seen my parents have. One time my mom threw grape juice at my dad. It stained the walls. It took a lot of paint to cover it up and I know that my dad hates to paint. I don't remember what they fought about though. I just remember that I was always told that I would get to go to grandma's whenever they had little arguments (which wasn't often). I would get so excited but we never went. Maybe that's why they're successful. Or maybe it isn't a matter of success. I tend to think it's a matter of love on different levels. But, ultimately a matter of the love you have for God and how that enables you to love one another. That's what I'm going off of. It seems to be the only thing I've needed so far in my life. I like to think that everything else falls under that simplicity. I do feel a little naive about all of this though. Maybe it's because I haven't been married. And there isn't one solution. And how my parents have made things work might not be the same way I want to make things work someday. Not that they have failed- far from it. I just have this idea in my head. And it's good.