I want to run away- but there just isn't anywhere far enough to go. I want to be free. I've always felt not good enough. I'm lacking... lacking that extra thing that everyone else has seemed to grasp so well. And there is just no where to go- no street to drive, no house to visit, and no place to be at peace. Things go so well and then I see it coming, all crashing toward me. I've never been a good enough friend... always mixing up my priorities and who I should invest in. And my choice in relationships have maybe even left me feeling emptier- not good enough, not understanding enough, not perfect enough. And even with protest from others, their words seeming to reflect right off of me, I still feel like I'm missing a piece. I want to believe that God will fill these empty holes, but I feel hardy worthy of God's grace. The more and more I think about it, the more I feel like these things that I feel will just become burdens for someone else to carry. Everyone else seems to have things figured out while I'm stuck here contemplating my thoughts that make even my own head feel dizzy. I'm the daughter that isn't ever quite what the other is, the friend that is not there when needed, the girlfriend who doesn't understand, and the girl who is just confused... unable to support herself and find the missing pieces that life holds. And so I sit here, wanting to escape it all and not be this person that I am.
Monday, September 1, 2008
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3 comments:
Ugh I have felt sooo like this lately. :/
You are the daughter that is patient, careful, respectful, and obedient. The friend who will be there when all else falls away, the sister who can always be relied upon and an example above all else. You are a wonderfully, perfect girlfriend. We live in a world that is filled with people seeking immediate gratification, immediate rewards. Unlike the rest of the world, you are investing in a future that, though not visible now, is as real as the immediate satisfaction that the lesser person grabs. Your patience is a strength though the wait for victory can be so hard, this victory is so much sweeter. Anyone who feels the they have a perfect grasp on this world is a fool. Let not the world define you but re-define this world by your very action, your very choice. You are so beautiful, your mind shines above all else.
I love you both. Thanks for making me feel a little better.
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